Welcome to Cult Corner where we dive through the bargain bins to determine if a movie is trash or treasure. Today’s pick… Blood Gnome.
Full screen. Always a good sign.
Blood Gnome centers around a series of bizarre murders targeting couples involved in BDSM activities. Daniel (Vincent Bilancio), a Crime Scene Investigator, catches a quick glimpse of the titular creature after the first murder takes place, but naturally nobody believes him and he must then make it his personal mission to figure out what this thing is.
The first half of the runtime sees Daniel diving into the world of BDSM to find leads. Yep, that’s right. This movie is basically Troll 2 meets 50 Shades of Grey. He can’t find any help in what appears to be a chatroom from 1995, so he asks for assistance from someone more acquainted with this lifestyle. Enter Divinity (Melissa Pursley), who decides it best to simply show him, rather than try to explain.
While this is happening there’s also an important thread throughout the movie of Daniel trying to capture these Blood Gnomes on camera. You see… they have a bit of a Predator thing going on. They’re invisible save for a faint glimmer and when they strike it’s something akin to Tina’s death in the original Nightmare on Elm Street. Daniel discovers early that his camera can actually pick them up, and that’s clearly the only way he can prove their existence.
The Blood Gnomes are smart, though. They can apparently use computers and employ complex plans, and they definitely don’t like that Daniel knows about them so they begin to stalk him. Why they don’t just kill him outright I’m really not sure, but watching him go crazier and crazier the more they toy with him is a bit of a treat. When they finally do attack him in an all out brawl it’s the highlight of the film. Watching him wrestle with these rubber puppet creatures is amazing.
Bilancio does a… well… I can’t say it’s a ‘good’ job, but he’s fun to watch. None of the acting in this movie is good, but it’s at least entertaining. Certain characters really ham it up while others may as well just be reading from cue cards. Priceless.
The pace is relatively quick and that helps things out a lot. This is a bizarre low budget creature feature with poor acting, a sloppy script, and production value that makes it look like somebody’s home movie, but at least it’s not boring. Sometimes, that’s enough. I’m not going to pretend like this is some hidden gem, but it’s certainly memorable.
It’s on Netflix, so if you’re having a party this might be worth tossing on and riffing while you crack open a couple (dozen) beers.
Here at Cult Corner we cover the weird and obscure. Given the low budget that these movies often have we feel the need to recognize that entertainment value and quality aren’t always synonymous. That’s why we have opted for the “trash or treasure” approach in lieu of a typical rating system. After all, Troll 2 is incredibly entertaining but it’s no 8 out of 10.
