Welcome to Horrible Films For Horrible People, a segment where I lash out on bad movies and then hate myself for watching them. This week I will be reviewing Blood Beach! Let’s dive right in! Ex-lovers and old friends Harry and Katherine are reunited when Katherine’s mother goes missing. Her mother was chasing after her dog when she was sucked into the sand. Anyway, more and more people are being attacked and or are disappearing on the beach. It seems, they too are being sucked into the sand without a trace. All of these tragedies are taking place on the shoreline of Santa Monica Beach, which soon becomes known as “Blood Beach“.
The local police are completely baffled and have no idea who or what could be committing these ridiculously mysterious crimes. Over time, people become convinced that there is a creature beneath the ground, so the search for this creature begins! First, they dig up on the sand in the hope of finding someone or something that may be responsible for the unexplained disappearances. The search soon moves to the basement of a building where Harry and Katherine used to hang out as kids. Upon revisiting the locale, the couple discovers the creature that’s responsible for this attacks and disappearances.
I will concede that Blood Beach isn’t as horrible as I thought it was going to be but it is still truly awful. It has too many things going on that don’t add up. An hour into the film, the police Captain notes that there have been well over 60 reported sighting of this mysterious monster. There are a lot of things wrong with that! One being that as the viewer we haven’t seen it, yet. Also, why would the police keep letting people go to the beach after this creature has been spotted nearly half a dozen times? That’s just a disaster waiting to happen. But I will stop there to avoid spoilers in case anyone is wanting to watch this awful…I mean…awesome movie.
When we actually do get to see the ‘monster’, it’s only for like a minute and it looks like a glowing flower with petals and all. I wasn’t terrified, I was annoyed and very angry. This film is labeled a monster movie and for a monster movie, there are barely any monsters in it. The director would probably tell you that the focus is on the mystery. But this isn’t a mystery movie, it’s a monster movie and therefore, I’d like to see some monsters. I knew this film was going to be dealing monster(s) that lived underground and because of that I was excited about it. It sounds like it could be in the same vein as Tremors and I am a big fan of Tremors! While it is possible that Tremors borrowed some ideas from this film, Tremors was much more entertaining and much more successful. Blood Beach was far too drawn out and a total waiting game. In short, it was a drag.
Although Blood Beach had great potential, it was ultimately awful. I wanted a lot more from it. I at least wanted to see a scarier, more vicious, lee flower-like monster. Watch it if you must but you have been warned! You’re welcome.
WICKED RATING: 1.5/10
Title: Blood Beach
Director: Jeffrey Bloom
Writer(s): Jeffrey Bloom
Stars: David Huffman, Marianna Hill
Studio/ Production Co: Compass International Pictures
Length: 92 Minutes
Sub-Genre: Sci-fi, Horror